Toss your timetable

Benchmarks and timelines can be a source of stress and pressure, and they encourage us to constantly push for the next skill, event or milestone. God doesn’t have a watch and most children don’t either. We have to pay attention to how we measure success and what we find truly important. When we worry about what our children aren’t doing at the same rate as their peers or siblings, we might be missing what they are doing.

The 3 R’s

Learning is the work of childhood, and kids aren’t wired to get it right the first time and have it stick. From potty training to picking up dirty socks to driving, we need to lovingly apply the three R’s. Kids forget how, so they need to be re-taught; it isn’t because they weren’t paying attention, they just need your love and your time as you patiently re-teach (again). Kids aren’t responsible, hard-working, wage earners (yet) so they need to be re-helped. Re-help when they can’t remember how to push in a chair or take dishes to the sink; they aren’t lazy, they just need someone to share the task sometimes. The important lessons have to come with re-minders. They need to be re-minded of your love for them, that the Father adores them, that being a disciple is hard and that dirty socks go in the hamper. Scripture is a continuous story of God teaching and re-teaching; God helping and re-helping; and God re-minding us again and again of his plan, his love and his presence. He will give us the grace to live out the three R’s in our parenting as he does in his.

Delight

God delights in his children, and they matter greatly to him no matter how many times they have to be reminded to eat their broccoli or stop pinching their sister. God also delights in you because you love the child that matters to him. He won’t love you more if your child follows all the rules and hits all their milestones. He gives you the grace of patience, powerful love and trust because being a parent battling to raise saints delights him, and you delight him!

Reverse onion

Raising kids is like peeling an onion in reverse. Maturity, faithfulness, empathy, kindness and compassion all take time to develop and build over time, layer by layer. We are in the business of planting seeds and tending them – not getting an instant oak tree.

Daily trifecta

Yes, they will get along with their siblings someday; they will learn how to handle their emotions; and they will know how to use their words appropriately even if the stormy season you’re in makes you wonder. Three things can calm you and steady your heart. Rest in the fact that seasons change and growth occurs. Wait for the Lord to reveal his perfect plan for your child and soak up his love for you and your child as you wait. Bring your child to the Lord in prayer, asking how to parent them according to the plan he has for them.